Not elder law: New element discovered!!

The recent hurricanes and skyrocketing oil and gasoline prices helpedto prove the existence of a new element. In early October 2005, a majorresearch institution announced the discovery of the heaviest elementyet known to science. The new element has been named “Governmentium.”

Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputyneutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic massof 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called ‘morons’which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called’peons.’ Since Gv has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can bedetected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes intocontact. A minute amount of Gv causes one reaction to take over fourdays to complete, when it would normally take less than a second!

Gv has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay; but insteadundergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutronsand deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass willactually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause moremorons to become neutrons, forming ‘isodopes.’ This characteristic ofmoron promotion leads most scientists to believe that Gv is formedwhenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. Thishypothetical quantity is referred to as ‘Critical Morass.’

When catalyzed with money, Gv becomes “Administratium’ (Am) – anelement which radiates just as much energy as Gv, since it has half asmany peons but twice as many morons.

Special thanks to J.D. Hanson.

Ed:  Tomorrow’s vote on the 775-page budget bill that undercuts the safety net and gives money to HMOs and those in the upper 2% of the wealth hierarchy should provide ample external proof of the existence of this new element.