Friends at the End of Life

Friends are an integral part of the fabric of our lives.  Perhaps the most important time in one’s life to have friends is at the end of life, according to an article in the New York Times. The article, Near the End, It’s Best to be “Friended” focuses on what has become known as the “unbefriended” elders.  When we think “unbefriended”, we think of someone without friends or relatives.  Maybe the person has outlived everyone. But the article offers that “unbefriended” has a much broader meaning: “you can also be unbefriended, even if you do have friends and family, if you are incapacitated and haven’t appointed someone you trust as a health care proxy.”  The article cites a study that shows an increase in the number of unbefriended elders and notes the likelihood of a continued increase since the chance of dementia increases with age.

More and more patients who lacked decision-making capacity, had no available surrogates and had not completed an advance directive,” said Martin Smith, director of clinical ethics at the Cleveland Clinic.

The kinds of unrepresented elders might change, too. In the past, many were marginalized — homeless, addicted, mentally ill, estranged. Baby boomers, with higher rates of childlessness and divorce, have smaller and more mobile families, and longer life spans. “They could live a largely mainstream life, but outlive everyone around them…”

The article notes that some states have statutes giving priority order to relatives and, in some instances, others to make health care decisions for those who haven’t made a directive.

Twenty-four states and the District of Columbia have added “close friend” to that list, according to the American Bar Association Commission on Law and Agingsame-sex marriages also mean fewer unrepresented gay and lesbian older adults.

This is an interesting article that provides good content for discussion with students about the importance of advance directives, and the potential for problems without them.