Family Dynamics and Caregiving: A Bumpy Road or Smooth Sailing?

Every family has its own unique dynamics with siblings having specific relationships with siblings and with parents.  When a parent needs caregiving, those dynamics can play a role, according to an article posted on the AARP website on January 27, 2016.  The article, When a Troubled Past Affects Present Caregiving, quotes a family therapist who explains:

According to family therapy pioneer Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy, we subconsciously keep tallies in our relationships — who has done what for whom over time. As a result, our past interactions with family members powerfully shape our responses to calls for care… [a] history of feeling neglected generally creates resentful caregivers.

The article offers several suggestions for helping focus past relationships into positive caregiving decisions including not being trapped by the past, remembering the good, and focusing on values rather than revenge when decision-making. “Living that value through caregiving doesn’t completely erase the pain of a flawed past relationship. But it affirms that you are not so hamstrung by old hurts that you can’t rise above them and be the kind of person you wish your parent, sibling or whomever you’re caring for had been.”