NYT: Starting Your Own “Conversation Project” With Family
Many have written with great sensitivity and candor about attending the death of a loved one, including a parent. Ellen Goodman had a lovely op-ed recently, How to Talk About Dying, in the New York Times. But more important even than her personal journey with her own parents, was how she and others have used their mutual experiences and concerns to start The Conversation Project.
As background, Ms. Goodman writes:
When my mother died from heart failure and dementia, I began to talk with others. It was extraordinary. Everyone seemed to have a piercing memory of a good death or a hard death. Some of these stories had been kept below the surface for decades, and yet were as deep and vivid as if they’d just happened.
Too many people we love had not died in the way they would choose. Too many survivors were left feeling depressed, guilty, uncertain whether they’d done the right thing.
With these experiences in common, Ms. Goodman and others established a nonprofit and a website, and they offer a “Conversation Starter Kit” for how to begin — and continue — thinking about what you want and how to share personal values and choices with family members. The kit is free, downloadable, and you can take notes and tailor the plan easily.
Many of my own friends and working colleagues have stories to share about “end of life” decisions with their parents. (Perhaps because I teach and write about aging, I get more than the average number of opportunities to hear from a lot of people about how well things are going on the homefront….) It seems like a “conversation about the conversation,” shared among friendship groups, or workout-groups, or workplace groups, might facilitate using the starter kit and working on the more personal family conversations.
Thanks to Professor Laurel Terry for sharing these links!